


where children strove

by Dain



Category: X-Men (Comicverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Child Abuse, Death, Gen, Suicide, Toby Rails is mentioned and then there's some suicidal ideation but this isn't a suicide fic jsyk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 07:33:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18774127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dain/pseuds/Dain
Summary: He survives.





	where children strove

He doesn’t remember much of anything from before the crash, and so his entire life has taken place after the fact. He was born into a coma and he stayed like that for a year and he still doesn’t know why the doctors kept him alive but he’s been told again and again that he shouldn’t be, that he was lucky, that he should be grateful for this second chance. He knows he shouldn’t be alive; he would know that even if no one had bothered to tell him. He can’t help but wonder if that’s how Toby felt, if that’s why he jumped, if the orphanage is a place for children who should be dead, a place to house them before ushering them off to wherever it is they’re supposed to be. They exist only by instinct, reflex, too caught up in the patterns of life to remember that they should have stopped breathing years ago. Or maybe that’s just him.

He survives the orphanage.

Death transforms from quiet neighbor to constant, teasing companion when Jack finds him. He’s seen what Jack can do to things much hardier than his body, and it feels like just a matter of time before he gets snapped in half or crushed. He’s torn between his survival instinct and his exhaustion, doing what he can to stay alive while at the same time wishing it would just end so he doesn’t have to keep on fighting when he knows he can’t win.

He survives Jack, too.

At least as an X-Man he feels that risking death is under his control. It’s not exactly his choice, but he can take measures to protect himself and his teammates, he can try to stop death from claiming any of them. Living was passive in the orphanage and hopeless with Jack and among the X-Men it’s fought for with every ounce of strength he has. It’s not bad, not really. In fact, it’s better than anything else he can remember, and he supposes that must make it good.

He survives, and he is surviving, and he thinks he will continue to survive for a while yet, if his luck holds.


End file.
